Heart to art conversation with Soul

Following on from my art piece called Inner Smile, I had a chat with Soul about how to further the process for writing Soul’s story…

22 August 2019

Soul, what process do I need to do to start writing your story?

Hello dear one. Are you not already writing? You have set expectations for what writing my story means. This doesn’t serve you. We are working together and talking now. The current path is to build a relationship to strengthen our connection. Who knows, the story might be happening now. You might be part of the story. We are one after all! When you see yourself more clearly you will no longer ask about what to do to create; you will simply create.

So we just keep doing what we are doing now?

Yes. What is a story without some sort of creative tension? You would do well to stop thinking about writing my story and to allow yourself to become the story. You are creating yourself. This is your journey home.

I am the story? So I am writing about myself and my process? I am already doing that though. I don’t see how that is going to translate into anything that I can do something with to turn into a career.

No. You don’t see. And you won’t see for some time yet. These expectations do you no good. They cause you pain and unease, which is anathema to the goal you are striving for. You doubt yourself and this process. You fear failing. It’s time to cultivate silence and to leave your small thoughts on how this should be behind. It’s time to expand and unwind. Trust is key.

Ok. I feel a sense of disappointment that I am not going to start channelling a story and a sense of loss that my idea of being a writer is not going to happen. I do enjoy our time together though so I will keep connecting in and see where this takes me, even if it is just for me.

And all of the world will see. Trust me on this. For now, let go of the tight hold you have on what your destiny should be and just be…with me. I love you always. Smile now!

LOL ok wise one. I’ll smile now! Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to be with me.

The pleasure is all mine. I come alive when you consciously connect with me and I’m always here with you and for you. We are united as one.

The moral to the story is: Let go of the idea that I have of what being a writer is and what the outputs of this process will be. Easier said than done, but it doesn’t seem to be causing me anything but grief so it’s worth a shot!

Inner Smile

Art process journal: 22 August 2019

I didn’t have an intention for what to draw today. I just wanted to see what came up for me while holding the space of being ready.

Initial thoughts:

I have left the background white and have not filled in the entire page, which is very uncharacteristic of me. I usually don’t like white space but leaving it in this piece, I noticed that it makes the colours stand out more. The spiral eye is very prominent and is the first thing that my eye is drawn to. The art feels like a technicolour being is looking back at me with a smile. It also feels like the green is a serpent/snake. There is also the black at the meeting point of all of the colours, which I am not sure what that represents.

Spontaneous writing to understand more about the art

I feel like the snake has something to say so I did some spontaneous writing starting with the phrase: I am <insert colour> and I have come to tell you…

I AM GREEN AND I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU that the healing journey home has begun. Rest your focus on me and relax your mind and body. I see you. I like what I see. Allow me to work with your mind and third eye. Where ever there is doubt or tension, invite me to put you at ease.

I AM GOLD AND I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU that I am the sparkling dust of your very own shooting star. I am here to illuminate the darkness and to awaken the creative well within you that has lain dormant. What you seek, you shall find within you, deep, deep, deep inside. Let the light of the stars guide you home and shine brightly so that you may see with clarity. I am the light at the end of the tunnel. I am the yellow brick road. Follow me home.

I AM BLACK AND I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU that there is beauty in the darkness and that which you cannot see. You cannot have light without the absence of light. I am the thoughts that are yet to be thought. I am the night before the dawn. I am potential yet to take form. Do not fear me. Come closer and feel what it is like to hear my silence and to see nothing. If you listen closely you will find the inspiration you are looking for. Look at me and see nothing slowly expanding into eternity. Let go and let flow deeply with me. I am your home.

Note: I didn’t expect black to have so much to say for so little on the page!

I AM YOUR INNER SMILE AND I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU welcome! It’s lovely to see you and connect again. I am more alive through your inner awareness than you realise. Step back and let go of all expectations. Simply meet me. A smile will always put you at ease. Allow your mind to smile more often. It is too rigid and locked. It focuses too intently on one thing at the expense of nothing, the all that is. Move your focus more to the white space and breathe. This is where your energy needs to be to connect more fully with me. Nothing is what it seems. Always look upon me with a measure of detachment, and keep practicing on stepping back further. You are holding on too tight and it is distorting your vision. All energy is in a grand cosmic dance. Are you moving freely or are you stuck on one thing, clinging onto something that does not serve you?

Smile and the whole cosmos smiles with you. Cultivate your inner smile to allow the light to shine through and illuminate that which is ready for you to let go of as you make your way home.

If you are interested in reading more about my process, click on my notes below:

20190822_Inner Smile Download

I am ready!

I decided that it was time to stop worrying that I wasn’t ready to write and to start focusing on just ‘being ready’. This was the focus for this artwork – I did not think about it, my aim was to be ready and see what happened.

After the artwork I didn’t have a lot of insights come up from the drawing, so I asked Soul if there was a message for me and used a technique called left hand, right hand writing to capture the conversation between myself and soul. When doing the writing, my non-dominant hand (right) was the voice of soul to help me get out of my head (represented in italics below).

Soul, is there a message for me?

Hello. I am here. Do you see me?

I’m not sure. Where are you on the page?

I am the page. I am the colours. I am form and I am the space without form.
I am you looking at me.
Do you see me now?

I don’t ‘see you’ per se and I don’t see me either. I just have a pleasant feeling when I look at this image. I find it kind of relaxing.

You perceive me then. I am here with you, helping you to clear a path of clarity so we can communicate more freely. You still have some clutter getting in the way of our connection.

How do I clear the clutter so we have the space to start writing?

Focus. Patience. An unwavering belief in yourself and this process.
Where there can be no doubt, you will see me clearly.
Where there is peace, you will feel me.
Where there is silence, you will hear me.

Keep going please. You will get to where you are heading.

Ok. Ok I will keep going.

Wonderful! You are learning! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS 🙂

Insights from this process:

I can see two images in the art – that of the bird and that of a face (looks like a duck that has the leaves as the mouth and is looking in the opposite direction to the bird). This is the second time I have drawn a two-headed image like this.

After typing up this conversation between myself and soul, as well as about the two images/faces I keep seeing in my art, I suddenly wonder if these are me and soul? We are two sides of the same coin. That means we are one and the same. I feel resonance and a bit of excitement in my body at this idea!

I also wonder what is up in the top right of the page that is still out of view? My curiosity is aroused and I am slightly irritated that I can’t see what is there.

If you are interested in reading more about my process, click on the link below to access my journal notes.

20190820_I am ready Download

What does being “ready” look like?

Original
A face is revealed

Art process: Wednesday 14 August 2019

This artwork was created in response to a question I had from a previous piece of writing where Soul had said “when you are ready, return here and we will continue writing the story”. My question was simply, “what does being ready look like?” as I realised through subsequent art pieces that I was not in fact ready to receive.

Medium

Chalk pastels on mixed media paper

Process

Intention: Show me what being “ready to receive” looks like
I did a guided meditation on feeling your soul.
I put on some music and then started to draw my non-dominant hand to get me out of my head.
After I finished the drawing, my initial impression was that I didn’t know what I had drawn and that my artwork was starting to go all weird. I turned the page around 90 degrees at a time to see if there was anything that jumped out at me. When I turned the page on its side I could see what appeared to be an image of a face.
I then sat down and did some journal writing about my process and to try and understand what I had drawn in relation to my intention.

My thoughts on this artwork

The face image appears to me to be a reflection of myself – a mirror image even – it is leaning in towards me as I lean in to draw the image.

Everything in the image feels contained, which is strange. I would have expected being ready to mean feeling free and have let go of everything, making a flowing image of some sort.

There is a sense of the face being poised for something. I wonder what? To be noticed or to notice something itself?

Being poised for something – I guess that is a pretty accurate way of describing being ready! So what does it mean to be poised then?

You are in position. You are holding that position. You are waiting expectantly for something to happen.

The word POISED is definitely the keyword that speaks to me with this art. It gives me the impression of being composed, still and balanced. It feels like I need to quieten my mind, calm my emotions and still my body in readiness for the next stage to present itself, whatever that may be.

In doing some research on google, I noted that one definition about a lack of poise related to a lack of confidence and I definitely still have that theme running within me. I have assumed that the lack of confidence was just in myself but perhaps it is also in the guidance and wisdom that I am seeking. I am not sure what it is and whether I can rely on it. I lack trust and faith in it.

I find it interesting that the responses I am getting through my art at the moment are quite literal and once I become aware of this, it seems such an obvious answer that I almost feel silly for asking. However, at the time, all that was running in my head was “I don’t know the answer, someone tell me!”. This speaks to the lack of confidence and it appears that the current art process work is working with me to reflect back to me that I do indeed have the answers and know. It is helping to build my confidence.

The path forward then is one of learning to still my mind and all of these “fear” roadblocks that keep coming up. When I really examine the fear it is clear to me that I don’t actually feel fear, it is just a mental construct that is running interference. This has to be based upon an image of myself that needs to change. And to change it, I need to be able to see through the thoughts; I need to be poised for seeing what is on the other side once everything becomes completely still. Then I will be ready for the next stage.

If you are interested in reading more about what came up for me during this process, click on my journal notes below:

20190814_Being Ready Download

HELP! I don’t know!

Original
Upside down
On its side

I have felt stuck with a feeling of “I don’t know” for a week now and the drawing of the Blackbird earlier this week only seemed to emphasise that for me. Today, I decided to ask for some HELP (and read that with a tone of desperation!) to provide me with some direction for moving forward.

Medium

Chalk pastel on paper

My process

Intention: Help me!
I did a guided meditation on meeting your spiritual guides.
I put on some music and then started to draw with my eyes closed using my non-dominant hand to get me out of my head.
After I finished the drawing I was surprised by what I had drawn as I couldn’t make out what the image was, however I felt drawn to the energy of the image.
I then sat down and did some journal writing about my process and the art.

In the meditation I met with a being who looked like me. She was lovely and cupped my face in her hands and told me that all paths lead to one; it doesn’t matter which one I take and to do the online course I was thinking about if that is what I wanted to do.

When I started drawing I used my right hand so that I couldn’t really think about what I was trying to draw. I drew 3 red blobs in the centre of the page. After that I spent a lot of time drawing the waves of gold all around, which felt good. I then went back and worked on the blobs as I felt I needed to make each one more distinct from the others with different colours.

I named this art: I don’t know, because I just don’t know!

In accepting that I don’t know, I felt a huge relief wash over me. I realised that it was ok to not know, and perhaps far better than knowing because I only seem to think of the negative knowns when it comes to writing.

Perhaps then my fear is not of the unknown, but of not knowing which of the things I do know about that I don’t want, that might happen, and my perceived inability to control those things?

There is freedom in not knowing. I can open up to the joy of just creating and feel curious at what comes up for me.

Knowing creates expectations and pressure to achieve those expectations I place upon myself, all the while worrying about not being in control of ensuring that I prevent all of the known things I don’t want. This causes me to freeze and close up.

This image feels light and bright. There is support. There is hope. There is the gift of discovering the unknown by opening myself up to receiving something new.

If you are interested in reading more about my process, click on link below to read my journal notes:

20190808_I dont know Download

Blackbird

With this art, I sat down and thought about fear, and what that might mean in the context of ‘fear of the unknown’.

I see two images within the art:

A bird that appears a bit startled or has pulled up suddenly as it notices the golden threads streaming down around it.
A face with mouth wide open looking in the opposite direction to the bird, with its back to the golden threads. It is looking straight ahead, and seems to be talking/eating in an all-consuming manner.

The message:

All things new that come into your awareness may take a bit of time to adjust to. The change in awareness is what is making you a bit unsteady and uncomfortable right now. Don’t jump to conclusions or start to listen to the fear monologue.

Take a moment to process what is happening around you. If it still feels ok and looks ok, it is. Trust it.

I have had a lot of resistance come up despite the messages of this art since completing the piece. I am still working through that as I feel stuck.

If you are interested in finding out more about what came up for me during this process, click on the link below to access my journal notes.

20190806_Blackbird Download

The Healing Waterfall – Art Process Notes

Journal notes: Thursday 1 August 2019

I’ve been feeling under the weather with a cold today and my energy is low. I didn’t feel up to connecting with soul again to find out more about this story, so I simply asked for some healing energy to come to me.

Materials

Chalk pastels on mixed media paper

My process

I put on some ‘healing meditation music’ and set up my art space.
I closed my eyes and simply asked for some healing energy to come through.
I then started to draw.
After I finished the drawing I sat down and did some journal writing reflecting on the art piece.
The story of the bird and water was written as a summary of my insights into the art.

The art
The story

What came up for me during the process

The bird holds the creative energy within and it is quite contained. The spiritual energy moves freely around the bird, however the two are yet to meet or touch one another.

The message: let go and allow the energy in so that the transformation can begin. It’s an alchemical process, and my mind is the one holding me back.

If you would like to read more about what came up for me during the process of creating this art, click on the link to read my journal notes.

20190801_Healing Waterfall Download

The healing waterfall

Let go and allow the healing energy in so that the transformation can begin.

The little bird stood stiffly as the healing waters of the universe flowed down around her. She felt uncomfortable with the power that surrounded her and without her wings she could not fly away.

Must I stay in this strange place when all I want is to feel better?, she wondered.

Invite me in little bird, the waters of the cosmos whispered kindly.

I can’t! she cried.

Yes, you can. Drink me in and let the healing journey home begin, the waters replied.

The little bird hesitated; something was holding her back. If the healing really was as simple as allowing the energy in then what is stopping me, she wondered.

Her mind was quick to reply FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. We cannot control that which we do not know.

Ahh that old chestnut, the little bird sighed.

Heart and Soul – Art process notes

Journal: Tuesday 30 July 2019

The art
The conversation

This is my first piece of art in more than 3 years and it is a powerful one. Lately, I have been reflecting on what Stuff Ink is all about, as well as what makes me special i.e. my unique selling point. Since I was young I have always had this sense “that I was destined for greatness”, however I still am yet to understand what greatness means in this context. Years ago, I was once also asked what my gift to the world was, which I responded “my life research, and my gift to me will be writing about it along the way”. Again, I have never really been able to articulate what exactly my life research is. Given what I have been reflecting upon of late, what came through in my art today seems to fit perfectly with where I am at.

Materials

Chalk pastel on mixed media paper

My process

I started with an intention or word to focus my art on. Today it was the word WELCOME. I thought this was appropriate given I am just getting back in touch with my creative process again.
I created a clear space and then sat down and did a guided meditation on meeting my higher self. The purpose of this was to still my mind and get past the resistance and worry of not being able to create something ‘that would look good’.
I then began drawing with no set image in mind. I just sat and looked at the pastel chalks until a particular colour jumped out at me and started with that. In this instance, it was the green of the bird.
I sat back and looked at my drawing. I then walked away for 15 minutes while the fixative was drying to give us some space. In that space, a conversation started to take place in my mind while thinking about the meaning of the artwork.
I came back and wrote the conversation down on the back of the artwork.
I wrote down these notes on my process and what I noticed.
Then I made myself type these up to publish on my blog before any negative thoughts got the better of me so I could come back to this again later.

If you are interested in reading about what came up for me during the process of creating this artwork, click on the link below to read my journal notes.

20190730_Heart and Soul Download

Heart and Soul

Welcome: A journey home

My heart desires to know the ancient wisdom of my soul. I desire to know the unknowable. I desire to know what greatness is.

Heart, represented by the bird, reaches out to drink the nectar of the soul. Soul, represented by the flower, leans towards the bird in support of her desire. As the two greet one another, a conversation takes place:

Soul: What is it that you wish to know?

Heart: I wish to know you – all of you.

Soul: Are you ready to know me? Once you start down this path, you cannot turn back for it will forever change you. My story is one that is yet to be written. Will you write my story and share it with all of the world to see?

Heart: I want to. I don’t know if I can though. I don’t know how or what you are really asking of me.

Soul: You don’t know, or you are scared to know?

Heart: I’m scared to know. I don’t know where this journey will take me or what will become of me.

Soul: This journey will take you as far as you desire it to. It will take you further than the eye can see, the ears can hear, and the mind can imagine. It will take you beyond all things and lead you home.

Heart: What is your story about?

Soul: Nothing. The All that Is. It is the story of creation and of the creator that exists beyond space and time. Reflect upon this and when you are ready, meet me here and we shall continue. For you see dear one, the story has already begun.