HELP! I don’t know!

  • I dont know

I have felt stuck with a feeling of “I don’t know” for a week now and the drawing of the Blackbird earlier this week only seemed to emphasise that for me. Today, I decided to ask for some HELP (and read that with a tone of desperation!) to provide me with some direction for moving forward.

Medium

Chalk pastel on paper

My process

  1. Intention: Help me!
  2. I did a guided meditation on meeting your spiritual guides.
  3. I put on some music and then started to draw with my eyes closed using my non-dominant hand to get me out of my head.
  4. After I finished the drawing I was surprised by what I had drawn as I couldn’t make out what the image was, however I felt drawn to the energy of the image.
  5. I then sat down and did some journal writing about my process and the art.

In the meditation I met with a being who looked like me. She was lovely and cupped my face in her hands and told me that all paths lead to one; it doesn’t matter which one I take and to do the online course I was thinking about if that is what I wanted to do.

When I started drawing I used my right hand so that I couldn’t really think about what I was trying to draw. I drew 3 red blobs in the centre of the page. After that I spent a lot of time drawing the waves of gold all around, which felt good. I then went back and worked on the blobs as I felt I needed to make each one more distinct from the others with different colours.

I named this art: I don’t know, because I just don’t know!

In accepting that I don’t know, I felt a huge relief wash over me. I realised that it was ok to not know, and perhaps far better than knowing because I only seem to think of the negative knowns when it comes to writing.

Perhaps then my fear is not of the unknown, but of not knowing which of the things I do know about that I don’t want, that might happen, and my perceived inability to control those things?

There is freedom in not knowing. I can open up to the joy of just creating and feel curious at what comes up for me.

Knowing creates expectations and pressure to achieve those expectations I place upon myself, all the while worrying about not being in control of ensuring that I prevent all of the known things I don’t want. This causes me to freeze and close up.

This image feels light and bright. There is support. There is hope. There is the gift of discovering the unknown by opening myself up to receiving something new.

If you are interested in reading more about my process, click on link below to read my journal notes:

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